As you know, Amy is the Blogger in the family and I tend to keep most of my thoughts to myself or only share them with a select few. However, I have been trying to wrap my mind around how we got to this point, and I felt led to put my thoughts in writing. In doing so, Amy has graciously given me permission to highjack her blog!
I have titled this adoption process The Journey of Two Risky Prayers because…it is a journey and I believe God started us down this path after we prayed two prayers.
Prior to Amy’s trip to the Philippines in September I prayed this prayer for our family…”God please let none us go unchanged from this experience…Through Amy’s experience I pray that our lives will be changed”. I don’t think I understood the magnitude of this prayer…I think I prayed it from my very narrow view of God. Risky Prayer #2 came during Amy’s trip. As she was approaching Tent City she prayed…”God, just help me get out of the car”. At first this doesn’t seem too risky, but once again, we often underestimate what God will do with such an open-ended prayer.
During this journey I have often asked myself why we would do such a thing…do you know what this will do to our family?…how will we pay for it?…will we have enough resources to provide for everyone?…I fail constantly as a father and husband. You see…In my mind when we prayed these prayers we were thinking small and God was thinking big. I wanted us to be “changed”, but I thought that meant being less possessive of our stuff and using some “left over” money to maybe sponsor a child or go on a future mission trip. I also thought I needed to “get out of the car” and connect more with my community and be willing to serve God in some uncomfortable settings. However, God was thinking much bigger…more radical. God said,”I will honor those prayers but not on your terms…I have a Kingdom sized plan.” He also said, “You can’t do this…only I can.” My plan was all about me and how I would use my job, my security, and my comfort…I don’t really want to risk a lot. God said, “No…your focus should be on Me not your abilities.”
As I write these words my job is no more safe, the economy (at least in my industry) is not improving, and I still seem to fall into my old habits of trying to control everything. Adding to my fears is the fact that not everyone understands this journey and even some extended family members question my sanity. Yet, the journey continues…Each day I have to ask God for guidance and courage to move forward…faith…trusting that He will provide. I don’t have all the answers or any guarantees. I often wonder if the journey isn’t about the adoption at all, but more about me and my Creator.
So, I challenge you to find the God sized prayer He is nudging you to pray and I encourage you to let God hear you say it. I can’t guarantee the outcome, but I can promise you God will use it for His glory.
For us, God chose the journey of adoption and He waited until we were not prepared and could not use our own strength. I also believe He used those risky prayers to change our hearts by saying, “You have underestimated my Glory too many times so now, I going to span the globe and show the power of my love…more importantly I am going to use you in your weakness.” To Him be the Glory…. Chad