Today I am feeling tired. Why? I am not sure. Everything is moving along beautifully and in a timely manner. Chad is with the social worker as we speak and I am sure it is going great. So many people are praying. We are so thankful and feel so blessed.
I may be tired because I am wasting much of my emotional energy being in control. I think the hardest part of this is giving up control of the situation. I so badly want to be the one in the driver’s seat, and FEEL like I have been for the last few weeks. I can control when I do paperwork, or dr visits, or social worker visits. I can control when I turn things in, when I make phone calls, and who I tell our news to. But a time has come and is coming when I FEEL like I will lose all the control I currently have.
I can not control people’s reactions, the speed by which our paperwork gets processed in the Philippines, when I find out our travel plans, or when I buy plane tickets. I can not control how our children feel every minute of the day or how our new child will feel about her impending move.
HOWEVER, I am realizing that my feeling of being in control of ANYTHING IN MY LIFE is FALSE. There is only one who is in control…today I have decided to give all my fears to him and let him fight my battles for me…internal and external. He wants our daughter home. He knows the perfect timing. He knows our needs and the needs of every person around us, even those who disagree with us. I am CHOOSING today to trust him with those things. He is already handling them anyway, so why do we feel such a strong need to control them????