More than once while I was in the Philippines Julie and I would be separated for long periods of time. She was often with the orphanage while I was with Kim, the school director, or the men. The kids were around us all day because the older children have a more independent living space in the basement of the guest house. It is great for them! One day in particular, I remember Julie coming in and saying to me that I was absolutely “glowing”. As I look back now, I feel like I glowed the whole time. Some of the hardest things I have ever experienced were there. Some of the worst smells, most oppressive heat, and by far the most unbelievable poverty and living conditions.
And yet I glowed. I am certain that the glow she saw, was the glow of God growing me into a mother again. I am sure it was that first love of your child that almost knocks you down. See, I felt that. I told Chad how much love I had for this child and how unbelievably helpless I felt leaving!
On my last night, we spent some time together and then we went out to the porch and hung out by ourselves. I thought I would cry when _____ asked if I was coming back. I said that I prayed the Lord would make it possible. Once again, today I am reminded that the Lord of possibilities already knew that when I returned it would be to truly become a mother again.