Today I am feeling tired. Why? I am not sure. Everything is moving along beautifully and in a timely manner. Chad is with the social worker as we speak and I am sure it is going great. So many people are praying. We are so thankful and feel so blessed.
I may be tired because I am wasting much of my emotional energy being in control. I think the hardest part of this is giving up control of the situation. I so badly want to be the one in the driver’s seat, and FEEL like I have been for the last few weeks. I can control when I do paperwork, or dr visits, or social worker visits. I can control when I turn things in, when I make phone calls, and who I tell our news to. But a time has come and is coming when I FEEL like I will lose all the control I currently have.
I can not control people’s reactions, the speed by which our paperwork gets processed in the Philippines, when I find out our travel plans, or when I buy plane tickets. I can not control how our children feel every minute of the day or how our new child will feel about her impending move.
HOWEVER, I am realizing that my feeling of being in control of ANYTHING IN MY LIFE is FALSE. There is only one who is in control…today I have decided to give all my fears to him and let him fight my battles for me…internal and external. He wants our daughter home. He knows the perfect timing. He knows our needs and the needs of every person around us, even those who disagree with us. I am CHOOSING today to trust him with those things. He is already handling them anyway, so why do we feel such a strong need to control them????
I guess I could say that our meeting was as informative as it could be. Our social worker is a very sweet woman with a lot of insight and experience with what we are doing. She had read through our child’s file and was very positive about everything she saw in there and gave us a lot of tips on how to handle the issues that are bound to come up. She had some great ideas for us to mull over about how to handle her education so we have more things to talk about now. One idea we discussed that I feel really resonated with both Chad and I was related to grief. Regardless of how well our transition goes, this child is going to experience the loss of many things and needs to grieve them well to be emotionally healthy. One great tip she gave us was to talk to her about those things right from the beginning so that she begins to process them before the sad feelings come, (ie the honeymoon period ends) and that she also knows that we are open to and want to talk to her about those things. We need to show right from the start that where she is from and who she misses is important to us. One other great tip I have recently gotten was to have large amounts of rice available right from the start. I had already been thinking about this, but now wonder if I should invest in a rice steamer or put my Goodwill savvy friends on the lookout for one.
One of the other things that came as a result of our meeting is that our kids each got a questionnaire to fill out as “talking points” for their meeting with her on March 10. They were so precious as they had to write about what they love best about our family, how they feel about adoption, what they will do to make their new sister feel welcome…Samuel says he is going to hug her. It was really neat to watch them think about these things and put words to their feelings. We look forward to having our individual meetings with her this week and then our home visit on March 10. THEN WE WILL BE FINISHED! With our part. Then the hard part starts. The waiting. I am praying that God will give me the patience to not go crazy during the wait and will just fill my days with His peace. I think it will be down time, but if things move as quickly as we anticipate it will be a very busy time of preparation. Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday.
I had the strangest feeling yesterday. Something I have never felt before….PARANOIA! This place we are in is very vulnerable. The most vulnerable we have ever been. I shut the blog off to private for a little while and then a good night’s sleep made me rethink closing it. But I do have a request. I want to share our story with you and eventually with our adopted child. I want all of us to experience God together throughout this process. BUT, the safety of our adoption is of paramount importance to me. Our adoption is somewhat unconventional because we know the child we are adopting. Hague countries (the Philippines is one) do not like this. And while we did not go looking for an adoption and feel that God dropped this into our laps we would never want the Filipino government to feel that we had not handled this with the highest of ethical standards.
My request to you is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not share our blog with anyone. If you have access to this blog it is because I have sent you the address. If you want to share it with someone please let me know first and I will let you know how I feel about it. But honestly, this is for our friends and family who love us and want to pray for us. There WILL come a time later, probably in only a few weeks when I don’t care who you share it with and I will let you know when that time arrives.
I want to tell you all about our meeting with the social worker, but it will have to wait until later today!
Warning: This post is ALL over the place….
Chad had an interesting experience last night. For the first time ever he had a tornado siren while in a hotel. If you have watched the news at all you know that tornadoes came through Nashville last night. I am sure that was scary for everyone. The last place Chad wants to meet Jesus is in a hotel far from home. 🙂 I guess when Jesus does come to get us it won’t matter where we are because in that moment he will be all we ever want again, for all eternity.
On a lighter note…he is now on his way to the airport and his flight looks to be on time. Woohoo! I am so excited to meet our social worker and get moving. It is a little intimidating but I do know two other people who have also had her as a social worker for an adoption and they say she is encouraging and very “for us”. That is all I need.
I do want to tell you a parallel story that has come to me lately. At bible study at my church there is a woman who comes. She is a regular attender but is very clear that she is not a Christian. She belongs to another faith. During different studies she has had the opportunity to memorize bible verses and really study God’s word. She loves it. She loves the friendship of other women and the acceptance she gets from Christian women. Hm. I know the power of God’s word is indescribable. She is growing faith in him through her study and doesn’t even know it yet! I love how he just lets us truck along thinking everything is the way we think it is and then BAM…he lets us know he has been up to something big. I think that is what will happen with this woman. So. The parallel is….A lady in the Philippines is doing “Transitions Training” with some of the girls in the children’s home. Some of them are being adopted, some are moving to high school, and some of them are moving from the children’s home to the more independent living in the guest house. Our girl is going to this training, but for a different reason than she knows. She is going because she is going to be adopted!!! But she thinks she is going for one of the other reasons! HA! So, in my mind she is just trucking along thinking everything is the way she thinks it is and BAM…God will let her know (through a social worker) that he has been up to something big! In both situations a rescue is taking place that could only be orchestrated by God himself…isn’t he awesome? Praise him for his plan to blow us ALL away when we think we are just “trucking along”.
After my very strange psychological evaluation yesterday I think we can safely guess that I do not have any significant deficits either. The questions were so strange that I can not wait to see our final write ups. Questions like…I am bothered by animal cruelty. true/false If I were a reporter I would like to cover the theater. T/F I think I am better than everyone else T/F The voices in my head are so loud I can’t hear anything else. T/F CRAZY. Truth is, sometimes the voices outside my head are so loud I WISH I had some inside noise to drown them out! Then I ran to the courthouse to get marriage certificates to prove that Chad and I are legal. Thank goodness. Then when I mentioned to Chad that I was happy to have killed two birds with one stone by being downtown yesterday he asked in psycho test form, “Do you think about killing birds with stones?” we had a good laugh about that one.
SO, that leaves us with a prayer request about Chad’s flight tomorrow as big storms are supposed to blow through Nashville tonight. We have our first meeting with our social worker tomorrow at 1:00 and need him to be home in time to attend. I am looking forward to meeting her and getting the ball rolling on this final step. After she completes our home visits we will be done with everything on our end and all our paperwork will go to the Philippines. My prayer is that our girl will know by April 1. Then we will have four months to get everything done on their end and still stay on track to have her here before school starts. Pray for Chad’s flight and the storms that our coming. That we would be able to make our meeting and not be delayed any longer. Blessings on your day.
Our lives have been so filled with unbelievable circumstances in the last few weeks. Chad is in Nashville on business for the rest of the week and called me last night to tell me about his evening. He went to dinner in the hotel where he is staying and had this waiter…Jenner. Chad wondered if he was Filipino and so when he came back he noticed something on his name tag that tipped him off so Chad just asked him if he was from the Philippines. The man said yes and Chad went on to tell him about my mission trip there and how much I loved his homeland.
Then, when Jenner came back at the end of the meal, Chad told him about our adoption and Jenner was very happy and said how much he knew she would love it here. That his family is so thankful to be here. As Chad got up to leave Jenner came back over and shook Chad’s hand and put his other hand on Chad’s shoulder and said “Thank you” over and over. I get the sense it was very emotional for both of them.
Do you all know how many restaurants my husband eats in? The numbers are staggering, trust me. I can think of nothing but the divine providence of God that allowed Chad to meet Jenner last night. What an encouragement to Chad! I pray Jenner was encouraged as well. I pray he saw something of the God who adores HIM in my husband and in our willingness to bring another child into our family. You see Jenner knows the difference between the poverty in the Philippines and the wealth of the US. He knows the difference this will make in the life of one child and was profoundly moved by it. Maybe he saw a glimpse of the same glory of God we have been seeing. Maybe he knows Jesus already and was just praising him all the way home to tell his family about this businessman he met at work. We will never know. But God does. That is one thing I love most about God, the ripple effect of his blessings. His blessings go on to unknown places to represent his glory…and we get to participate by our obedience to receive his blessings and by our willingness to share what God has done.
My prayer request today is for my psychological evaluations…just pray that my spirit would be calm.
After answering true/false to over 500 questions, we think we can safely assume that Chad is neither a psychopath nor a sociopath. We watch enough Criminal Minds to know how those brains work and to answer accordingly. Ha! He said there were some strange questions, but he safely navigated the waters of sanity. I go tomorrow and he is more worried about me…he said there are a lot of questions about tiredness and headaches. What does that mean? No other news to update today…may your day be blessed with the presence of God.